You Never Left My Heart

   I thought about you today the way I often do I wondered where you are and how life turned out for you.
   I thought about the day we met and how it felt to find a person who was so loyal so loving and so kind.
   I thought about the whens the wheres and even about the why's and how I wished back then that I had realized.
   Realized you needed something I would not give, you needed space and time alone some room to grow and live.
   I only thought about myself I was selfish in that way I wish I could turn back the clock there are things I would like to say.
   To tell you that I loved you in my twisted way and how I treated you haunts me to this very day
   I was broken when you met me maybe you could not see the person that I showed you was the one I wish to be.
   The real me was dark and hollow just an empty shell but with my false smile I wore how were you to tell.
   Looking back at the woulds the should's the could's I wonder how I hid the fact that I was damaged goods.  
   Time exposed me for who I really was yes time exposed me as it often does.
   I took away your world and placed you in a cage I called you names and effecting you with my rage.
   I smothered you so much and took away your light, that thing that had attracted me and in you burned so bright.
  Although I never hit you my words punched you just the same Oh how I acted then makes me feel much shame.
    For many years I was sure the end was all because of you As I reflect now I know that  was not true.
   I had no clue then I had the world right there by my side I did not see you struggling and just how hard you tried.
   I wanted to keep you from the world and have you to myself  I wanted you to stay the same and keep you on a shelf.
   Keep you as I found you leave no room for change I can see now my behavior was so very strange
    I made you pay for how the world had treated me I hurt you oh so deeply how could that be?
   You never deserved the things I did to you and when I say I am sorry please believe that its sincere and true.
  I hope that you are happy and found in life your bliss I hope that you are out there and maybe reading this.
   Saying that I am sorry the past it will not take away but I keep you in my heart and for your happiness I will prey.
  I have grown and changed and not the jerk that you once knew It was me who screwed things up please know it wasn't you.