Christmas came and went as did the New Year 2016 rolled in and I felt
empty no joy in Mudville. Without my Mom it just did not feel like
Christmas. My Mom loved the whole production of Christmas the wrapping the shopping the decorating and she always
cooked up big meals. We often had lots of family around at those times
so the house was full of laughter and crazy relatives playing pranks on
one another. Sometimes it was Dads side of the family and some times
Moms and often a mix of both. We would have to bunk on the floors and
couches giving up our beds to the older family members. It has been some
time since I have been to a large gathering of family I think the last
time was in the year 2000. The last Christmas our immediate family was
all together was 1992. My sister Debbie would become sick with a rare
cancer and she passed a few years later.
The reason I have not been on here much as I have had some financial problems and unable to work because of health issues so I have no cash for internet connection. It was like going through withdrawals not having my net connection. There is so many times I think of something I would like to blog about but with no net service I am not able to write it down. By the time I get to a computer to type it out I forgot the thought completely. I have been playing around with a couple book Ideas and was going along pretty good but seem to have hit a wall creatively and the words just will not come the flow has gone. I started quilting to keep me busy and that also has become a dead end I just can not muster up much enthusiasm for anything.
My family has suffered some losses of people that meant a lot to me my sister Debbie as I said. My Aunt Phyllis passed and I had not seen her for some time. She had moved into my parents house to live and she and my Mom and I all worked at the same plastic factory for a time. She was such a sweet giving loving person and we had a lot of fun at work goofing around but also getting the work done. She moved out and back with her family and soon began helping my grandmother who eventually became unable to do for her self and moved in with my Aunt. My Grandmother passed on and not long after my Aunt Phyllis became ill and passed. I was unable to attend either one of their funerals. My mother had gone to help take care of my Aunt when she got sick and was there when she passed. A few months latter we lost my Mom. The loss of my Mom was a big blow to my emotional state and I still have not gotten used to the fact she is gone. I have often picked up the phone to call her only to realize once again she is not there. So maybe my emotions are clogging my creative flow.
I am thinking maybe it is my Medications I take to try and keep my intestinal problems in check. They make me feel sort of out of it and in a state of constant mellow that I think maybe is blocking my creative side. I have not been painting or creating much of anything.
I have started scanning family photos and working to put names to faces. After my Mom passed away I inherited all her photo albums. She had started writing names on backs of photo's but was only a quarter of the way through the massive pile of pictures. I want to scan them and place them on disc so anyone who want copies can have them. This way not just one person has all of the family pictures. It is always sad when a flood occurred or god forbid a fire and all the old photo's are lost. This way there will be copies with someone at all times. I also have transferred all our old home movies to DVD and I hope they will keep better than the old reels of super 8 16mm and 8mm and VHS God I am old!
Some times it is hard while scanning pics as they bring back memories. The furniture we used to have being I am almost 50 was had some funky stuff over the years. The 40's and 50's furniture was not so bad and was hand me downs from family and garage sales. That 70's stuff however was colorful and bright oranges reds rust browns and Oh there was what they called shag carpet had thick long yarn look. It was all the rage then but looking back it was ugly stuff. If you ever get the chance Google 70 style furniture. The plates we ate on the things that hung on the walls the cars we had all these things in the background of the photo's hold memories and I find my mind wandering while scanning. Thinking of people places and things gone by and wondering what ever happened to this or that.
Growing up I figured I would be dead way before 30 so I hurried to cram as much life in as I could. Funny I say Life but I had no clue what that even was back then. I ran from family not wanting them to drag me down (Had to live my own life my way) and just about the time I am settled and ready to accept family they all start passing on me. For those who do not know passing means death seems a less blunt word and rolls of the tong much easier. I also like using the word wake instead of funeral maybe because I heard my parents say wake. When they grew up the deceased person was kept at home until the burial the family would set up all night with the deceased to keep watch over them thus the phrase Wake.
Our family has suffered many blows my Father was forced by health reasons to have to move into a convalescent home many miles from our home. My Mom was forced to sell the house and move to be closer to my Dad. It was strange to drive down the driveway that last time after she sold the house knowing someone else would be living in the hose I grew up in. I went back once and the people who owned the house let me walk through it but it was strange, although the rooms were still the same they were painted different colors and had strange furnishings in them. All the memories were still there but that feeling of being home was gone.
When I looked for a house to buy I found one a lot like our old house the floor plan is not exact but close to our old house and as soon as I walked in I knew it was the place I wanted to live. I instantly felt at home. Well those are my first ramblings of the new year 2016. May this Year bring only good things to you and yours and God bless and keep you all safe happy and healthy.
