Free Spirit

   I stand in the middle surrounded by people I am connected to by blood but feeling alone. Is the feeling something I am fabricating within my self or is it real am I alone? I know within me I have anger with the people around me angry for the fact they have information or think they do about my private life information I feel is private and none of their business. Information I feel they can not understand and will use to label me and to place me in a preformed notion or idea they have made in their own minds with this information.Based on what they know of the world their beliefs and how they have lived their lives not based on who I am because as far as I can see they do not know me.

   I am a free spirit who has spent many years clipping my own wings to fit or conform to what I felt others thought I should be and in doing so stole the color and the light from my own life. I take full responsibility for this as I know I did this to myself. No one forced me to conform or to have a need to be liked it was something within myself. But time has come to move past this and become who I want me to be.

   I will never understand why people want everyone else to look talk walk and act alike or how they feel another person should. Maybe its frightening to see someone go their own way and live life off the normal track and makes us feel as if we are doing it all wrong. To make others conform and walk and talk alike gives us a feeling of being OK with what we are doing or not doing in our own lives but for me that makes for a very dismal surroundings. I for one love the differences and all those things that makes others so different from me. I love to talk to others and learn from them and sometimes I take bits and pieces of their experiences etc and use them to improve my life. But I often see people or meet those that will never see my way of thinking or why I am who I am and at this time in my life a I am fine with that.

   I am not one to push my beliefs or thoughts on another person I say what I think and feel and it is up to that person to do with it what they will. Gone are the days of worrying about fitting in or being liked. Oh its nice to know your are liked but the effort one has to put into that should be minimal they like you or they do not changing yourself to achieve that end is never never never a good thing.

  I do however hate for people to think they know me or my heart or mind by what they have heard from others. I say if you want to know my story ask me and if I feel you need to know I will tell you. I am an open book to people I feel comfortable with. I have made mistakes in sharing things about myself to the wrong people who used it against me but that also I take responsibility for the telling and the allowing them to use it. I am the one in charge of my life if it sucks its up to me to unsuck it no one person place thing or amount of money etc can fix what I allow others to do to me.

   I am a free spirit and I am just learning to soar something that should come natural but I have spent so much time and effort suppressing that natural  ability it will take time to learn the power that has always been inside of me.