Where did the time go? I ponder things now and then and that statement I would often hear people say and never really thought that much about it. I took a break from social media this week so I could get caught up on a few things around the house such as cleaning and getting things ready for winter. I was cleaning out some closets and came across a photo album I had not seen in a long time. I started thumbing through it and as I did so many memories came flooding back some good ones and some not so good. as I flipped the pages I saw items in the background of the photos like the old couch,lamp,vase,and TV set etc that used to be in my parents house when I grew up. Those items in the background are long gone and probably reside now in some land fill. Funny the goofy memories those items in the back ground brought out in my mind.
In many of the photos was a painting that had moved from this wall to that wall in our home over the years and was probably purchased at K-Mart. It was a painting of a country scene with a barn and a horse drawn carriage and two smaller paintings that accompanied it of similar scenes. I remember doing home work and looking up at that painting when I was frustrated by a math problem or just taking a break from studies and I would get lost in that painting. Get lost as in I would mentally enter the painting and I could hear the wooden wheels of the carriage creaking and the crunching sound of the horses hooves on the gravel. I could hear the sounds of the barn animals and the birds in the trees and feel the warmth of the sun on a hot day or what I assumed was a hot day from the way the painting just gave that impression. I wonder what ever happened to that painting I assume it was sold for a few dollars at a garage sale or given to a family member. I came across one just like it in a second hand store and laughed to myself when I saw it thinking how dated it looked now very 70's style decor.
Also in that old photo album were the photos of many smiling faces of people who have passed away over the years but with a snap of a camera they became frozen in time at that moment. I look at the faces in the photos and as I flip through the pages of the album and watch those faces age before my very eyes starting with their baby photos then moving on to them standing at graduation with that look of having the world by the balls and all that hope in their eyes. Wedding photos with so much love and celebration I see some faces in the photos as the years go by and that look changes to either content or to what the heck happened and how the hell did I get here? It is funny when you look at photos they are mostly smiling faces and if you looked at almost anyone's photo album it would look as if every day was a party or that everyday was fun and happy and full of laughter.
Most of us know that a camera snap shot hardly ever shows the real story of a family. Those photos never show the tears that have been shed the harsh words that have been spoken or the hurt feelings. The snap shots are often staged and the people in them posing with huge smiles after someone yells cheese or farfignugan. Nor do those snapshot every really show the love a family has for one another. One individual. one person of a family may not seem significant to the family as a whole until they are no longer in the snap shot. Once that person is gone the snap shot seems to have something missing a gaping hole and the posed smiles look forced or faked for many years after. All we have once that person is gone is memories and some snap shots freezing them in a moment holding them there so we can revisit happier days and keep our memories fresh of the time they were with us.
I glance at the people in the pictures, and although it unfolds before me in years of moments captured on film I still wonder were the time has gone. I thought there would be more time and those people in those photos would be here for ever. Time has a strange way of passing without us noticing it and before you know it there is no more time. No more time to call on the phone, no more time to send a card, no more time to get together for lunch, time just slipped past when we were not even looking. Were did time go and were did all those people with those smiling faces in those snap shots go?
I received disturbing news today of the passing of yet another smiling face from those photo's and that face was my cousin Jeff. I know we all must leave this world one day but that fact does not make it any easier when that time comes for us to say good bye. It is made so much harder when it is so unexpected and blunt. If you know someone is getting up in age or been ill for an extended time you have time to prepare for the blow of their passing but when someone is just ripped away it is hard for the human mind to understand or make sense of the loss. That missing face in the photos in the years to come will leave a hole and the smiles will be forced for the snap shots but will not be able to cover the fact that person is no longer there.
Jeff you were a bright shooting star that flashed through our lives making them brighter from your passing. I wish we had kept in touch more or had more time to joke and laugh together but there is no more time. I still remember the last time I saw you and we laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes and now I have tears but I am not laughing this time. Love you Cuz and this world will never be the same with out your crazy, funny, bright face in it and the snap shots will never be whole without you. Love you Buddy and I want to say thank you for the time I had with you and I guess this is goodbye. Where did the time go?
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